I tensed as Seth’s snazzy Porsche Cayenne approached the end of Makawee Bridge that connected Ballard to its back door. The row of MoneyMarts and adult movie rental places were clear signs of the type of neighborhood we were approaching and I instinctively reached for the automatic door lock button.
Seth turned to me at the sound of the click and raised a brow in amusement. “Paranoid much?”
I rolled my eyes and hugged my satchel closer. “The last thing I want is to be ordered to get off the car at gunpoint while stopped at a red light. Your car is eye candy enough to attract that kind of unwanted attention.”
He nodded. “Point taken. Where do I turn?”
I craned my neck forward and spotted Pin Yang, the semi-questionable Chinese restaurant that marked the intersection going to Dock Garren’s outskirts up in the north. “Take a right and drive straight through until you see the Landerdale High School. Our house is at the end of that block.”
“Gotcha,” Seth answered heartily, not appearing to be daunted at all. “Your streets are pretty busy here.”
I don’t know if he’s trying to be nice but he could’ve just simply stated the obvious—there were teenagers and gangster types who hung out inside their vintage cars (milder term for old, salvaged vehicles from the impound lot) and at vending stalls on the street, smoking and giving anybody unfamiliar a death stare as they drove past. We also had a lot of people walking along the sidewalks, mostly talking in other native languages, hauling groceries or bargains from Goodwill while juggling their own umbrellas. Most families here were of immigrant origins and not everybody had cars.
“You don’t have to drop me off at my house, you know?” I told him. “You can let me off at the next block and I’ll walk the rest of the way. It’s not that far at all.”
He shook his head. “Oh, don’t be silly. I’m already here, aren’t I? Besides, your attempt to intimidate me isn’t working and will never work.”
I shrugged. “Just giving you your last chance.”
“Okay, we’re in your block already,” he announced, trying to smoothly squeeze his car through other cars parked out on the road. This wasn’t really a neighborhood of front-attached garages or even garages in general. “Do I park by that cute, yellow house over there?”
I nodded and went to pick up my dripping umbrella from the rubber mat-covered floor. “The party’s inside. Mama had originally wanted it out on the back porch but today’s weather has just been really crappy.”
He smiled and looked around and I briefly hesitated.
“Do you… Since you’re already here…” I started, trying to sound as casual as I could. “Do you want to join us?”
He looked at me, surprised but smiling. “Are you sure?”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for you. But just to set your expectations, it’s nothing fancy or extravagant. It’s a kid’s party and we’ll be serving hotdogs and cupcakes.”
He laughed. “I love hotdogs and cupcakes. But I don’t have a gift for your nephew.”
I shook my head. “Oh, don’t worry about it. You’re my guest. Now, come on!”
He parked the car by the curb across the street and we jumped out and hurried under my umbrella.
“Nice ride you got there, buddy,” a familiar male voice said the moment we arrived at the covered front porch.
I closed the umbrella and saw Terrence & a couple more of my older brother’s friends sitting by the bench at the corner of the porch, having a round of beer. Seth stiffened up and positioned himself in front of me but I slowly stepped around him.
I frowned darkly at the group. “Make sure that that nice ride stays exactly where it is now, Terrence, or I will beat the crap out of each of you.”
Terrence narrowed his eyes at me for a second before he broke into a grin that showed the wide gap between his two front teeth. “You betcha, sweetheart. You should both get inside. The party started about twenty minutes ago.”
I grabbed Seth by the wrist and pulled him into the empty foyer. I extended my hand for his coat and he slowly took it off.
“Uhm, are you sure those guys aren’t going to hunt us down after your little tirade there?” he asked unsurely.
I looked up and saw that he was really worried. I couldn’t help but smile. “Uhm, I’m sure. Terrence grew up with me and my siblings here in Capitano. He’s an orphan and lives with his auntie. He and my brother work in a computer repair store by the West Stretch.”
“What’s the West Stretch?” he asked curiously.
I smiled. “Dock Garren’s version of Hatter Boulevard without the exorbitant price tag. Their friend owns a second-hand computer shop and Terrence and my brother fix up the goodies they buy off to resell.”
I noticed his amazed expression and patted his arm. “Don’t worry. They look like thugs but they’re good people—at least better than most guys their age in the area. My brother’s the middle child—a bit of a rebel but he’s a nice guy once you get to know him.”
“Ali.”
We both looked up at the low, grave voice and found Alvin standing by the doorway with a big white plastic bag. Alvin is twenty-three years old, tall and tanned with the same dark brown eyes as mine and thick stubble. He eyed Seth suspiciously.
“Alvin, what have you got?” I asked, gesturing at the bag he heaped up over his shoulder.
“The last round of party favors. I had to pick them up from Neil’s shop but I could only load one bag on my bike so I had to come back for the second one,” he answered, putting it down and opening it to show me. It contained about a dozen or so little bags with candies and colorful paper masks in them. Neil works at a party supplies store so go figure.
“Who is he?” Alvin asked, nodding to Seth.
“That’s—“
“My name’s Seth. Ali and I attend a class together,” Seth answered, stepping forward with an extended hand. He smiled politely at Alvin. “We were supposed to meet with our professor but she couldn’t make it and Ali needed to get home right away for her nephew’s birthday so I offered to give her a ride.”
I waited, slightly tensed now, as Alvin’s jaw muscles twitched. No one can ever tell what’s going on in his head.
Finally, he shook Seth’s hand. “Thanks, then. Don’t worry, Terrence and the other guys are keeping an eye on your Cayenne outside. You might wanna try a more discreet car next time you come here.”
Seth blinked and laughed. “Sound advice. I’ll definitely consider it. Today’s trip here was a bit unplanned.”
“No worries,” Alvin assured him to my utter, secret surprise. “They’re all in the kitchen area. You might want to—“
“Auntie Ali!”
We all turned around and found now-five-year-old Shawn standing by the kitchen doorway with a big grin on his chubby, rosy face.
“Hey there, birthday boy!” I broke into a grin and ran to pick him up in my arms. “You thought I was going to miss your party, didn’t you?”
Shawn nodded. “Mommy said you had to go to school.”
“I did but the teacher couldn’t make it so here I am,” I explained to him, kissing his cheek. “And I got your gift in my room upstairs. You’ll like it, I promise.”
Shawn clapped his hands together before wrapping them around my neck. “Thank you, Auntie Ali. You should’ve seen my birthday cake. Mommy got me one that looks like a car. It was red! I blew five candles on it!”
“That must’ve been nice,” Seth managed to comment and Shawn and I both turned to look at him. I’d totally forgotten he was standing there. He had a big grin on his face.
Shawn gawked at him curiously. He wasn’t a shy kid. “Who are you, mister?”
“That’s Seth, sweetie,” I told the boy, moving him closer to Seth. “He gave me a ride home ‘coz it was raining hard.”
“Happy birthday, Shawn,” Seth said to the boy, extending a hand to shake which Shawn eagerly took. “I’m sorry I don’t have a present for you. I didn’t know it was your birthday today.”
“That’s okay. Mommy says it’s the thought that counts,” the little boy answered smartly and Seth and I exchanged amused glances.
“But you know what? I do have a big, red car. A real one. We can go for a ride later, if you’d like. If you’re Auntie Ali won’t mind.” Seth looked up at me and Shawn craned his neck around for approval.
I bit my lip in uncertainty. “Uhm…”
“Sure, you can, Shawn, if your new friend would like you to,” my sister’s voice floated into the foyer where we’ve all been left standing by Alvin who’d gone to the kitchen with the party favors.
Abby is twenty-four. I’ve always considered her very pretty with her dark eyes, long lashes and taller height but today, I could see signs that she was tired. She was wearing a pretty, green cotton dress and a small, yellow fabric flower on her hair.
“Seth, this is my sister, Abby,” I introduced as Abby came over to extend her hand. “Shawn is her son. Her husband Neil is here somewhere.”
“He’s in the back porch distributing the drinks,” Abby supplied, taking Shawn from my arms. “Mama is in the dining room with the kids. You two better get something to eat now before the food’s all gone.”
I could detect Abby’s curiosity but I ignored it and figured I’ll let her bug me about it later.
I ushered Seth to the dining room where there about thirty kids or so crammed in little plastic tables of four that we borrowed from the party shop where Neil worked. It should’ve been a small party but the owner of the party shop adored Shawn who always dropped by with Abby that he sprung a lot of free stuff for the little boy’s party.
“Ali, great that you’re here!” My mother came over and I hugged her briefly. She was the smallest in the family with her petite five-foot-two frame. I came next at five-foot-five.
She glanced at AJ and her eyes immediately lit up. She glanced back at me. “Your boyfriend?”
My mom talks with a trace of her original accent which usually becomes obvious when she becomes excited. Like now.
I felt my cheeks turn bright red and I quickly shook my head. “Uhm, no. We’re in a class together and he gave me a ride home because it was raining.”
Seth didn’t look embarrassed at all. In fact, he was grinning as he shook my mother’s hand. “I think if we insist on that idea, Ali here is going to faint and fall flat on her face.”
My mother blinked in surprise then chuckled. “You may be right. Come on in. You two must be starving. We’re just about to start the games.”
The rest of the afternoon was filled with what you would expect from a children’s birthday party—songs and games, ice cream and food littered all over the floor, some kids fighting and crying and of course, my mother packing up the leftover food into little bags for other mothers to bring home.
It was around four thirty when the last guest left and Seth and I were sitting on the bench by the second floor deck, eating the last of the mint chocolate chip ice cream.
“Thanks, by the way,” I said quietly, glancing his way quickly. “You were surprisingly good at facilitating the pin-the-sword-on-the-knight’s-hand-game.”
Seth grinned. “I had a really good time. It’s been ages since I’ve been to a children’s party. I’ve missed it.”
“Didn’t you have parties for yours or your friends’ birthdays?”
“Sure, we had big parties until we were like twelve or something like that,” he answered with a shrug. “After that, we were considered too grown up for any more. Instead, our parents gave us gifts like a trip to Disneyland or skiing at Aspen. No more parties unless we threw one ourselves. The pattern became that the older you get, the bigger the gifts you’re given.”
I smirked. “You sound like you’re complaining. Some people would think you very fortunate.”
“Oh, I’m sure,” he answered, leaning back comfortably against the squeaky bench’s back rest and staring far ahead. “I’m never ungrateful for mine and my family’s good fortune. It’s just hard to be… ordinary. Have ordinary kid’s parties, have ordinary friends, get ordinary gifts.”
He turned to me with an amused expression. “Do you know that the birthday parties I’ve been too had more adults than kids? It’s a social event for them, mostly for business reasons. If I had a classmate whose family owned a company that attracted my parents’ attention, they’d get invited over so we could meet them. Before you know it, my Dad’s booking to play golf with them to talk about business. And there were so many nannies and plain-clothes body guards too. It was nothing like Shawn’s birthday at all.”
I scrunched up my nose. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like much fun. I never thought of it that way.”
He laughed softly. “Not everything that’s expensive and glamorous is necessarily fun. My older sister grew up dreading her birthday parties. She has quite a strong personality and she’d always made it very clear that our parents only invite kids she knew. She almost succeeded but the potential reward for the business was too high that it just wouldn’t happen. I believe she still resents it to this day.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister. Where is she now?” I asked, curious all a sudden.
“London. She just opened her own interior design business but she’s been working there for about three years now. She’s very independent and outspoken—you’d like her.”
I grinned. “Well, as long as she doesn’t have your ego, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.”
“Hey, I don’t have that big an ego!” he protested good-naturedly. “I don’t know why you always accuse me of that.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I was just teasing,” I told him before taking a big spoonful of ice cream. “I mean, after all, you’re here in the slums of Dock Garren, aren’t you?”
He glanced at me wryly. “You say that as if it’s so bad to be here.”
I raised a brown. “Well, isn’t it?”
“No, not really. Sure, it doesn’t have the sprawling mansions, landscaped lawns and infinity pools that became the signature of Ballard’s estate communities but Dock Garren has a lot of character of its own,” he answered with conviction. “Everyone I’ve met here today were pretty nice people and my car is still parked down the street without a single scratch on it, I think. Families are a bit more real here too. Sure, there are some shady parts of the neighborhood that I wouldn’t want to find myself in but I can’t generalize everybody along with all the bad things I’ve heard about the place because today, I’d proven that there’s more than one exception to that common belief. You are excellent example.”
I blinked. “Me? What do you mean?”
“Well, for somebody whom I assume was raised in Dock Garren, you certainly have a lot of class,” he started with what seemed like a really sincere expression on his face. “You’re very intelligent, articulate and well-mannered—except during times when you want me to get out of your face. You take pride in being able to fend for yourself and you don’t like being a charity case—you consider yourself of equal footing as everybody else.”
“No, not equal footing. I just believe everybody deserves equal opportunities,” I answered with a tightness in my throat as I stared into the distance, my eyes absently drinking in the visual proof of why I’m not on equal footing with the rest of Ballard.
“Ali,” he softly said, his face leaning close to mine that when I turned, I got the full impact of the tenderness in his beautiful green eyes. “I know the world isn’t always fair but you got to stake your claim in the opportunities that come your way. You deserve every one of them.”
I smiled. “Thanks. I’ll try—“
Then his phone sounded off and vibrated in his pocket between us. I jumped back and he pulled it out. He looked at the display for a couple of seconds then cancelled the call.
“Sorry,” he apologized, slipping it back into his pocket. Three seconds later, it started ringing again.
With a sigh, he flipped it open and answered the call.
“Hey Katherine, how are you doing?”
I inched away a bit and pretended to concentrate on whatever ice cream I had left on my bowl. Seth stayed in his spot, seeming not to care if I heard his phone call.
“I’m sorry, I can’t pick you up tonight. I know, it’s a Monday. I just lost track of what day it is,” he was saying on the phone, sounding patient. “I’m caught up in something right now. I’m sorry. No, I can’t make it—“
“Excuse me,” I mumbled briefly before getting up from the bench and making my way downstairs. The last thing I wanted was to listen to him talk to another girl.
I found my mother and sister at the kitchen downstairs, cleaning up at the sink.
“Hey, where’s Seth?” Abby asked, her mouth turning up into a big, eager grin.
“On the phone with one of his girlfriends,” I answered, putting down my empty bowl of ice cream.
Abby smirked. “I find that hard to believe. I thought you were his girlfriend.”
“Abby!” I protested, playfully punching her arm. “I am not! Seth has a big pool of girls to pick from and I’m sure it’s a new girl every week.”
“And does that hurt your feelings?” Mama asked with a teasing smile.
“God, no. Seth and I are somewhat friends who constantly banter—there’s nothing more to it,” I told them, picking up some of the newly washed dishes and helping Mama dry them. “It’s not like one of those movies you’ve seen where they start out hating each other when they actually have a secret attraction brewing between them.”
Mama chuckled and shook her head. “Actually, I think it’s exactly like those movies.”
“I agree,” added Abby, nodding and grinning in amusement. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed it at all but Seth’s eyes twinkle every time he looks at you. It’s not often that you see that smitten look in a guy’s eyes and I know it when I see it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Seth just happens to have a dazzling smile and bright, shimmering eyes. That’s why girls fall over their feet around him.”
“Just not you?” Mama asked with a knowing look. “He can have any girl except the one he really wants?”
I groaned. “Ma, you’ve watched way too many romantic dramas. I’m telling you, it’s not what you think. I thought you trusted my opinion.”
Abby shook her head and winked. “Not in the matters you’re not an expert at—like love and relationships.”
I stuck my tongue out at her. “It doesn’t mean that just because I’m not dating left and right, I know nothing about boys especially ones like Seth who are precarious to a girl’s heart because they are sweet and destructive at the same time.”
Mama shook her head. “My, you’re cynical.”
“Who’s cynical?” a bright, chirpy male voice sounded from the stairs and we turned and found Seth walking down the steps with a grin.
“My dear sister here,” Abby answered, maintaining a sweet smile after I threw her a look of daggers. “She doesn’t like boys who are sweet and destructive at the same time.”
“Ignore her,” I interjected before he could answer. I put down the dish towel and turned to him. “So, you’re ready to go?”
“Go where?”
I rolled my eyes. “Go pick up whoever you forgot to pick up today. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were supposed to be somewhere else. You did tell me you had the rest of the day free.”
Seth shook his head. “Oh, that. No, there’s no need. She hangs out with me and my friends at the university courtyard on Mondays and she always hitches with me. There’s plenty who can offer her a ride home today.”
“Oh, but the poor girl will be crushed,” I replied sarcastically. “I don’t want her brokenhearted because you traded her for a kid’s birthday party.”
Seth narrowed his eyes. “Why do you sound jealous? Are you jealous?”
My sister snickered but stopped when I glared at her.
“I’m not jealous. You’re delusional,” I answered hotly, my cheeks burning much to my annoyance. It didn’t help that both my mother and sister were very amused. “What do I care about whether you pimp yourself out as Ballard’s chauffer service to all the girls in town?”
Seth looked pleased. “I offered you a ride too.”
My eyes narrowed into slits and my ears felt very, very warm that I stormed out of the kitchen and into the living room, making my way through to the back porch.
I heard the swing door whoosh behind me as I plopped down the bench and stared at the view of the tiny lawn and the neighbor’s dumpster.
“Ali, I was kidding!” Seth blustered, plopping down next to me. “It was a joke, come on.”
I sighed. “Whatever. You and I both know I only took you up on that offer due to very special circumstances.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” he said, more patiently this time, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “I wouldn’t refuse anybody who needed a lift and was really in need for one. Catherine doesn’t really need one. She has her own car but she doesn’t like driving. You’re right—she likes being chauffeured around. And I’m too much of a nice guy to say no.”
I snorted. “I’m sure she has many creative ways to return the favor.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Ali…”
“Alright, enough of this conversation,” I interjected, putting my hands up in the air. “Besides, it’s none of my business.”
“We can make it your business—“
I put a hand up again to stop him. “No, Seth, don’t go there.”
A long moment of tensed silence—the breeze blew by softly, Mama’s cherry blossoms rustling with gentle grace.
“Why are you so afraid?”
A logical person would ask what that question meant, what the main question was and what its context was in the conversation.
My mind ran short on logic yet the question rang clearly in my head—I knew exactly what he meant.
I looked away. “Fear is good. It keeps me from leaping into the unknown where I could crash and burn.”
He nudged my shoulder, trying to be teasing. “I didn’t know you were a scared cat. I thought you were utterly fearless in everything.”
I smirked and shook my head. “I’m smart enough to know there are things to be afraid of.”
“What’s your biggest fear?”
“Failure. Self-disappointment. Losing someone I love.”
“I think we all have to deal with losing loved ones,” he replied, his voice gaining a hint of regret. “It’s something none of us can escape from—rich or poor.”
The last of the rain was pattering away lightly and a bit of sunshine was starting to gleam on the wet blades of grass.
“When my Dad died, we were all devastated,” I told him, not sure why I couldn’t stop the words from flowing out of my lips. I didn’t talk about my father to just anyone. “Mama took it the hardest. For weeks, she was the unhappiest person in the world that I’ve ever seen. She stared into space for hours, she didn’t eat, and she didn’t want to leave the bedroom. It’s like we lost her along with Dad. I can’t bear that kind of pain.”
“She got better though, didn’t she?” he asked gently, putting a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t shrug it away because it felt good—the touch felt like big, warm hands holding the pieces of my shattered, little heart.
“She did, after she realized there were still her children depending on her. But she never quite returned to her old, happy self. The damage has been done and it’s irreparable and that’s what I’m afraid of.”
“It’s not all about pain though,” he said, his voice hopeful. “I’m sure it’s not. And I’m sure that whatever pain there may be, it’s still always worth it in the end.”
I looked at him with a wry smile. “I didn’t know you were the romantic type.”
He grinned. “I’m sure you didn’t. You were pretty busy convincing yourself that I was the playboy type.”
I raised a brow. “You are the playboy type.”
“I thought you just said I was the romantic type? I have to be one or the other.”
I giggled. “Maybe you’re just as complicated as I am.”
He laughed and nodded. “Maybe. Your complications are contagious.”
We laughed for a bit more and a giddy sense of feeling settled in me. It felt good to laugh again after trekking out of a painful walk down memory lane. And the fact that there was nothing especially funny about our conversation yet we were still able to laugh our hearts out made me wonder if this was only possible because despite our fights and differences, Seth and I actually understand each other even without words.
And maybe—just maybe—that was reason enough not to feel so afraid anymore.
